my greatest dream

Tonight i have just been listening to my favourite piano pieces...BALLADE POUR ADELINE AND SOUVENIRS D'ENFANCE BY RICHARD CLAYDERMAN......

Ballad for adeline has been my favourite for quite some time now (the souvernirs i loved just now hehehe).. i love how its soft yet lively tune can pull on my heart strings and play with my emotions (honest!! i was holding back my tears while listening to this again coz my brothers were listening too. hehehe).....you might say yuck when you hear this song because it is often used on talk shows where people are looking for loved ones etc..etc.. ei don't get me wrong here kay?.. i have nothing against these type of shows...

I was looking for a piano piece for the ballade when i came across an 8 year old playing it perfectly (check out youtube..).. i couldn't help but envy him!!!!....I have been playing the piano since i was in grade school.. i can read notes but super slow!.. i have yet to master this beautiful instrument...But for this 8 year old.. all i can say is wow!!

One of my greatest dream is to finally enroll in a formal school and play like them.. i want to play songs like the ballad and souvenirs, to be able to touch other people's hearts with my music.. i want to have my own concierto....i was so envious of the kid that i could'nt stop listening to him playing.. it was just so beautiful!! i kept playing it over and over that i suddenly felt so sad....i also want to play for my loved ones...i also want to make them smile with my music...

I kept thinking that this dream of mine will forever be a dream... i don't have the time to study music anymore, nor do i have the money to enroll.. ahhhh!!!.. crap ...i'm starting to feel down again... let me see... now i have two dreams or goals that i will never be able to reach.. i keep telling myself that someday i will be able to reach them... but now, i can't see how i will be able to do this....

I know i sound silly fretting over these stuff...they aren't really needed to live life successfully.. but hey let me tell you something..i belive that life is not only about success (financially etc...). i mean.. what would you do with your life, or how can you work efficiently or successfully when you know you don't even like what you're doing? When you know that in the end it wasn't worth it?... i don't think it's healthy to deprive yourself of the things that are difficult to achive but, will give you happiness in the end (weird noh?)... I believe it's better to work on something no matter hard, if you know that in the end you will achieve the things that you want most in life! If you fail, try again.. if you fail again,stand up and say one more try!


in my last post i said i wanted to go back to high school.. well guess what? ( you could say i wanna live in the past..the good parts anyway).. i wanna go back to when i was still playing the piano. I want to get the feeling of playing an entire piece again... even if i'm the only one who listens to it...i'm not making any sense here am i?... hehehe that's what i like about blogs..you don't really have to worry bout your readers. you just write what your feeling at the moment and just... go with the flow of your emotions (but watch out that you won't write anything confidential!)


WHY IS IT, THAT WHEN YOU LISTEN OR WATCH SOMETHING THAT YOU REALLY LOVE... IT FEELS LIKE TORTURE?...why is it, that i'm fighting away tears when i should be putting on a smile?...0_o

it's been two weeks since i came back from my hometown. one more week and i'll be back in school. Back in the classroom, listening to lectures.

I'm torn between being excited or feeling down. I don't want my summer to end coz i don't wanna face more challenges. I want classes to start so i could meet new people, have more cool memories and have something to do.....I'm so confused right now...The main reason why... i can't tell you.. i'd rather keep it to myself... for now....

haaaaayy!...i feel so tired, bored---lonely---these past few days.. this is probably because before i came back here, i checked out some of my stuff from high school. I found soooo many memories, super great ones! that i felt..nostalgic...

It made me want to go back to that part of my life, because everything was easier. Everything was more fun.

Back then i didn't have to worry about tough decisions like courses, managing my allowance (yup! this too!), payments etc! etc! etc!...all i had to do was study, pass, and have fun .....

I want to go back to the time when my friends and i had code names, our own alphabet... our own characters...I want to go back to that time when everything was simpler, happier even. I dunno why i feel this way now..it's probably because i cherish my friends...i may not show it all the time, but believe me when i say ...

my friends are my treasures...


When I'm away from them..i tend to distance myself for fear of being forgotten or something..(weird noh?).. I'm just like that.. but you know?.. after a while i start to really, really, reeeeaaallly miss them... Just like now..

Now, my life has become more complicated. I have found new treasures and memories, but my old friends are just as precious as they are... somehow..my life then had been happier more fulfilled... now, i just keep telling myself that I'll get through this, one day at a time....

hahay.. I miss high school.. a time where i learned and experienced a lot of things.. i miss my friends...wish i could spend some time with them... i just miss our laughter and stories and...everything!..

hehehe...well like they say...the only constant thing in life is change. We have to get used to it, or be miserable.

But mind you, there are times (like this time) when i wish things didn't have to change.

I wish i was still in high school wearing my uniform, laughing with my friends and eating our favourite chips!...

I just have to say it.... Life back then was fun!...

I really miss you guys!! :)